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A man goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the church.

There is a fully equipped bar, on the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates and sweets.

Then the priest comes in… father forgive me please, for it’s been a very long time since I have been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting then it used to be in the past.

The priest replies: First please get out of here, you are on my side… come from the other side.

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A man rushes out of his wife’s hospital room…”Doctor, doctor – my wife’s been in a coma for several months but when I just touched her left breast, she sighed! “…”That’s very encouraging,” says the doctor. “Go back and touch her right breast. See if she reacts.” A few minutes later, the man rushes out again: “Doctor, she moaned!”… “Very good,” says the doctor. “Now try oral sex. She should certainly react to that!”

Five minutes later, the man comes out back out, white as a sheet. “Doctor – she died.”…“No! What happened?” the doctor exclaims. “Well, sir,” the man says tearfully, “she choked.”

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In Daytona a man enters the bar and sees his prey and begins to barrage her with pick-up lines that he acquired from his friend. The young lady continues to ignore him but finally gives in.

She says: Okay I’ll spend the night with you but I have got to let you know upfront that I am on my menstrual cycle.

The man looks at her and says: Oh, that’s fine. I’ll drive very slowly; you follow me on your cycle.

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Once, a long time ago, there was a Wallaby tour of New Zealand. During their stay in Wellington, one of the players had a fairly torrid affair with beautiful local lass. The team moved on, the girl stayed behind and the whole thing was eventually forgotten about. Four years later, the same player returns back to New Zealand with another Wallaby touring side. They are in Wellington and who should he see walking down the street but his old time lover with a small child! He runs up to her, greets her and asks if the child is his. “Yes”, she says, “it is.” “But why didn’t you tell me?” he asked plaintively. “Well” she said, “after I found out I was pregnant, I invited all the members of my family together for a discussion on the matter – my grandparents, my parents, my uncles, aunts and cousins. And we all came to the same conclusion: we would rather raise and nurture a bastard than have a Wallaby for a father”.

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Once, a long time ago, there was a Wallaby tour of New Zealand. During their stay in Wellington, one of the players had a fairly torrid affair with beautiful local lass. The team moved on, the girl stayed behind and the whole thing was eventually forgotten about.

Four years later, the same player returns back to New Zealand with another Wallaby touring side. They are in Wellington and who should he see walking down the street but his old time lover with a small child! He runs up to her and greets her and asks if the child is his. “Yes”, she says, “it is.” “But why didn’t you tell me?” he asked plaintively. “Well” she said, “after I found out I was pregnant, I invited all the members of my family together for a discussion on the matter – my grandparents, my parents, my uncles, aunts and cousins. And we all came to the same conclusion: we would rather raise and nurture a bastard than have a Wallaby for a father”.

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Two old ladies somehow got separated in a museum.

Later they came across each other near the reception desk. “Oh my! Did you see that statue of a naked man at the back, out there?“

The second old lady replied, “Yes! I was absolutely shocked! How could they display such a thing here! My God its penis was so large!”

Where upon the other lady accidentally exclaimed, “…Yeah… and cold, too!”

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A free state farmer supplemented his income by providing camping facilities at his dam site. One late evening he came upon a group of bikini-dripping-women, who had, somehow slipped onto his farm without paying.

The woman shrieked and moved to deeper waters when they saw the farmer coming. We are not coming out, until you leave here, they shouted.

I am not here to disturb you, my dear ladies…said the farmer. I have come to feed the crocodiles…

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Bill and Marla decided to pull off on a Sunday afternoon. So they send ten year old son to the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary, as his parents put their plan into operation.

There’s a car being towed from the parking, he said. An ambulance just drove by. A few moments passed… Looks like the Andersons have some company. He called out.

Matt’s riding a new bike and the Coppers are having sex.

Mum and dad shot up in bed. How the hell do you know that? The startled father asked?

Their kid is standing out on the balcony too, their son replied…